Extract
»Dan’s ›Lego Ronald McDonald‹ crucifixion piece can go… there. Tim and Sarah’s ›BOMBS KILL‹ neon text piece should definitely go… here. Mathieu’s bronze ›Estate Girl with Pushchair‹ statue will look fantastic… by the door«.
Lol was whizzing around his gallery, pointing at various empty spaces, »Has the ›Estate Girl‹ piece arrived yet?«
»Yeah, well… no. But it’s coming this afternoon.«
»Excellent. Did he do it life-sized in the end?«
»No. He couldn’t afford to.«
»Oh shame… how high is it then?«
»Twelve inches.«
»Oh dear… does it work at that size?«
»Yeah, it looks err… amazing.«
»Brilliant! So, then… really… Annabel’s tampon wedding bouquet should go right here, on a plinth. A black plinth of course.«
»Yeah, that’ll look good.«
»Has she got a title for it yet?«
»Yeah, ›Lil-lets of the Valley‹«.
»Oh gorgeous. She’s so facking smart. That’s it then, finito! That’s everything, right?«
»Yeah, that’s it.«
Lol and Anthony paused for a moment and looked around the empty gallery. Each imagining what the new show would look like.
»Oh, fack!«, Lol slapped himself on the forehead, «I thought that was too easy… we’ve got to show that guy’s film piece.«
»What?«
»The film piece… that awful documentary thing about the minimum wage… or whatever it is.«
Anthony looked at Lol blankly.
»GOD, ANTHONY!… that facking bore-fest by that moron, James? Justin?«
»Erm… Julian. You mean Julian. Oh, shit… oh my God.«
»Don’t panic Anthony! We’ll squeeze it in… much as I’d like not to… It’s facking coma-inducing.«
»Oh, fuck. Lol, I…«
»Anthony… darling… calm down. We’ll put it in the bathroom if we have to. God, you are so melodramatic!«
»Lol. I’m sorry… I forgot all about him.«
»Yes, me too, but we’ll squeeze his bore-u-rama in somewhere. I told Amie to order the smallest monitor she could.« Lol giggled. »People will hardly notice it. It can go behind the bookcase or somewhere.«
»No, I mean. I forgot all about him.«
»What?«
»Lol, I completely forgot we were showing him. I haven’t put his name on the invitations, the press release, the website… anything.«
»Oh.«
»I’m sorry.«
»FACK!«
»I’m really sorry, Lol.«
»You know why we were showing him, don’t you?«, Lol could barely contain his fury. He gripped onto the back of an Eames Eiffel Tower chair and started to hyper-ventilate. »YOU FACKING IMBECILE, ANTHONY!«
»I’m sorry Lol. I know…«
»We were showing him because Max James recommended that we show him. Which is as good as saying that we had to, IF we want to stay in his favour. HELLO! Max James. HELLO! – The most powerful curator in London – HELLO ANTHONY! ARE YOU IN THERE?«, Lol rapped his sweaty white knuckles hard on Anthony’s forehead.
»Lol, I’m…«
»… a facking useless POT ADDICT! Jesus Christ. Where are the invites? We’ll have to re-do them. Are they still at the printers?«
»No. They were sent out last week.«
»YOU CANT!« Lol laid down on the floor, closed his eyes and started doing the relaxation exercises that his therapist had taught him. Eventually he calmly replied: »Then, I have no choice. I simply can’t show him. Thanks very much, Anthony.«
»But, we can still show him… can’t we?«
»NO. I am not about to risk my reputation by sending out invites that are not absolutely representative of the show. It’s unprofessional. I’ll have to drop him. I HAVE dropped him.«
»Please… Lol… what about Max James?«
»FACK HIM, TOO!« Lol started to hyper-ventilate again.
»Lol. Please, you don’t want to upset Max.«
»OH FACK HIM! I’m sick of being told whom I should or shouldn’t show.«
»But… this is suicide.«
»FOR FACK’S SAKE! This is a show about political art. About fighting back. About standing up to THE MAN. About standing up for what one believes in. If Max can’t see that, then… HE’S A FOOL!«
»Lol. I don’t think you should say things like that«.
»I’ll say what I bloody well like.« Lol wiped his dribbling nose with the back of his hand, »My decision is MADE. You’ve made it for me, ANTHONY! That’s the END of the matter. Now come on. Get to work. You’ve got a lot to do before the opening: which IS tomorrow night, in case you’d FACKING forgotten that as well.«























